We are on the Home Stretch!

It's been a few months since I've last updated and I promise now that I have dedicated time every Tuesday and Thursday while waiting in between classes I will update. Since May, much has happened. In May, Brittany and I went home for a week to see family and eat Cashew Chicken Springfield Style. It was a very eventful beginning because we had major car issues. Right outside of Fort Campbell, Kentucky, our car sudddenly lost all power and stopped and nearly killed us. We were traveling in the fast left hand lane and when we lost all power there was a Semi behind us. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced as a driver. Then of course, our warranty insurance wanted to pick us up in the tow truck but not our dogs. I was NOT leaving my dogs in the car on the side of the highway. So, finally we found a towing company that towed our car and let Brit and I ride in their tow truck. Thank God for the Jeep dealer near Fort Campbell they were awesome to us. After going to a car rental agency, thinking we were going to have to rent a car, the dealer called and it was just my Battery!!!! Are you serious? We nearly died for a battery? Apparently Jeep has a "safety" mechanism that when the battery is low it powers down the entire car! What in the world is up with that Jeep? I love you but I am not fond of your measures.

The rest of our trip was fun though, we were full of Chinese and Rib Crib and our beloved Nakatos. I got to reminice with an old friend from high school that I had not seen in eighteen years!

In June our summer in North Carolina began with a bang, it was so hot here from May on really but June was blistering. The pools here don't really open until after school ends in mid June so that stunk for those of us that are heat challenged. I traveled to Georgia to teach coupon classes in June and that was actually a fun trip. I never thought in my life I would ever see a true KKK sign until I did in rural Georgia. When I say Rural I mean , the post office is in a portable trailer rural. Got it?

July was good, Fourth of July was awesome as Bragg did their annual 4th of July celebration. This year Little Big Town came with the Charlie Daniels Band. I love Little Big Town as their song "Boondocks" reminds me of my hometown in Missouri. The rain tried to dampen our parade at the end of the night but it didn't do it's job and we were still able to enjoy the fireworks. I loved the parade of state flags, oddly that was probably one of my highlights yelling for Missouri when I saw our red, white and blue, flag with the bear. Proudly I screamed at the top of my lungs. I missed home but I have to admit that I was glad that James River (our home church) was not doing their celebration this year due to selfish reasons. I didn't feel like I was missing out on as much. We had gone to James River for years and last year was so hard on us not being there. Next year we will be there.

August brought alot of joy in our house and anticipation. I went to Missouri the first part of August again to see the family. This time I flew in. Who would have thought that I would be comforting anyone in an airplane. I met a wonderful lady on there on the trip back and I loved talking to her. Her son attended church camp but they were from Brazil I believe and they were traveling with him. Very nice Christian lady and I enjoyed her talk immensley. She kept my fears at bay while on this trip.

I started school in the middle of the month and it seems so surreal to me to be back in the classroom especially taking undergrad classes as a graduate student. Eh. I am not thrilled to be doing that however it has to be done in order to teach on post. This semester I am taking Middle School Curriculum and NC History. (required) Since I have done high school before I have to take this Middle School class and then of course since I am history teacher I have to learn NC History in order to be able to teach NC History and help my students pass a NC State test at the end of their eighth grade year. I know nothing about this state but I am slowly learning. I so wished I could have taken this class online. It is so boring to me.


The month of August ended with tragedy in Mike's unit as two soldiers lost their life in this war. One of them was a friend of mine's husband and that makes it even harder for me. The last two weeks have been just a blur to me but every day is getting better. School is helping me get through the if ands or buts of each day.

Now, we are in September and the weeks are ticking down until my love comes home again. I cannot wait for this event to transpire. I feel like that our house will be complete again. I put out my fall decorations yesterday and I don't feel as if I have enough yet. I just want the house to be perfect for when Mike comes home. I want to be able to just relax and not have to clean or organize for a bit after his arrival :) I cannot wait. I just cannot wait.

It has become easier to do this...here I go again!

Brit and her Daddy at Sea World watching the Believe Show. UNBELIEVABLE!
Brittany and her Daddy in front of the Castle at Disney World.
My love and myself at DisneyWorld. I have my Minnie Mouse outfit on :)
Port Orleans at Riverside in Walt Disney World.

Apparently Blogspot has decided to become user friendly-halleluiah after all these months I can update regularly with pictures and such. As you all know Mike had R and R in April and we spent alot of much needed time together. The first day he was home or the first few hours, I just stared at him. To believe he was here was a dream, I just did not want to be pinched or awoken. I am still that wife that gets butterflies when I see my husband walk in a room. It has not always been that way, don't get me wrong, we are not mushy mushy "perfect couple" love but we are in love.Now, keep in mind we have been together for eleven years and married ten of those years. There have been many ups and downs and I regret several things in my past with Michael, however, I will not regret marrying this handsome soldier.

Our R and R started out with a dinner to Aspen Creek to fill his belly full of yummy goodness at this new steak house in Fayetteville. I just wanted to jump into that booth and kiss his face but I refrained. Ha!

When I took him home to see his dogs for the first time, it was pure bliss. Sidney hyperventilated and just started freaking out and I swear that dog was smiling. Rusty being the follower, just starts jumping around like Tigger does on Winnie the Pooh. Tazz A Lou began meowing for the first time in six months. Remember Taz is a dog, not a kitty but he meows. Weirdest thing ever, but he only does it for Mike.

We then spent a few days relaxing at home and those were met with challenges of their own that I will keep private but it is hard to get adjusted to not hearing bombs and guns and mortars 24/7 so I will leave it at that.

Then we left on our beloved Disney long anticipated trip. We took the dogs to the boarders and left. Seven hours later and the next morning we ended up at our Resort, Port Orleans Resort at Disney World. And as fate would have it I got sicker than sick while we entered into our blissful vacation. Upon entering the gates of Disney, seriously literally, I felt the burn of a fever blister. Then two, then three and one of them became the size of a thumb. It was extremely painful and had a heartbeat of it's own :( Then the unthinkable happened. I began to hemmorage after my surgery I had two weeks prior. After calling my doctor, we had to make an across the city of Orlando trip to Walgreens to fill several prescriptions to stop the bleeding. I felt as if I was in a nightmare. My anemia was active and I was having a hard time staying awake much less walking fourteen miles a day at Disney. Because of that alot of our stuff was limited that we did. I felt so bad for everyone because we had looked so forward to this. I tried to be a trooper it just didn't happen that way. However, I was still in bliss, I had my love next to me.

He never complained and one of my biggest regrets is we didn't ride half the rides we normally do because I was so sick. And I forgot to mention it was the most crowded I have ever seen Disney and I've gone during Star Wars Weekends before. Nothing can touch Spring Break at Disney and I will never ever go during that time period again.

We came home and finished out our R and R and I must tell you that him walking away from me at that airport on that day in April was one of the single most heart wrenching days of my life. Our hearts were breaking, he didn't want to go, the tears flowed freely. I missed him and he was sitting next to me. I love that man more than life and I never knew that emotional pain could be far worse than physical pain. My heart hurt, emotionally and physically. And that was the first time I said in six months, "Damn you deployment, I hate you".

Myrtle Beach Retreat

Today as I glance out the window of this lonely hotel room, I realize that the cliche' that I hate and see all over town is so true. Since being at Bragg, I see a lot of cars weekly that half the bumper sticker on their car that says "Half My Heart is _______". Well, it is true. Half my heart is in Afghanistan. I won't advertise it for fear of being targeted, as if it's not noticeable, however, still, I don't want an open door for freaks and weirdys. R and R was wonderful even if I was sick the entire time however, I could have sat on a glacier and stared at that man for fourteen days I would not have minded. He is one of those men your Mama warned you about :) He gets more handsome with age. I mean that sincerely. When I saw that hint of green camo peek from behind the airport security checkpoint, my knees began to knock and my heart nearly stopped. He was just as I remembered him, but even better. It's like thinking you are getting a hand knitted sweater for Christmas and end up with a Coach purse. True story. Whew....talking about him, makes me miss him even more but I talk talk talk all I can, it's less painful that way.

This weekend I am at a Deployed Spouses Retreat in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Out of all of the retreats this one was the worse. :( I hate that because I advertise them so heavily. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the free room and food however knowing you are eating leftovers twice is not appealing to me. The classes were way more geared toward a Marriage Retreat feel than a Deployed spouse retreat. The lady sitting next tome brought her 17 year old daughter, which I was NOT happy about. I cannot express freely what I wanted to say and neither could anyone else. She repeatedly said, "my marriage is over, this stuff doesn't even apply to me but it is teaching this one what not to look for"....It made me sick really. Being honest and a bit violent I wanted to punch her in the face. I do not like it when people use their kids as pawns and crutches and it was clear she was doing just that. Broadway at the Beach is by far my favorite place here to go and I love love love it there. It seems like every time I go there is something else to do and buy. I cannot afford to be loving it so much, but I do.

On that note, back to the deployment, Mike has been moved. I won't say where to however he is thinking it is a much better place as far as amenties go and we are estatic about that. Can you say Skype Chat again? Whoo HOOO!!! That is all for now, friends and famly, but I am trying to do better about updating this with pics and such. Im on a mission too, and unfortunately, time slips by me so quickly and for that I am greatful too.

Christmas Without Him...

It has been a few weeks again since I posted anything, and I swear I am going to get better at this during the coming year. I even have a "Blogging for Dummies" book next to me as I type this. I would blog more if I could manuever around my blog and make it prettier. It's a mess right now but I am going to improve.

Christmas this year was so uneventful for us because as you know, Mike is gone to Afghanistan. We did away with our 12 Days of Christmas tradition because Brit's best friend is living with us and frankly, I could not afford to do it for both of them. So, for this year it is on hiatus.

Christmas seemed to sneak up on me this year. I feel robbed of the season. We have so many traditions that we normally do that we did not get to partake in and I was distraught about the idea of not being with family. We left Missouri early because of a family situation and because of that it caused alot of hurt feelings and bad circumstances all around. I am praying that in this new year all can be forgiven.

Christmas morning itself the girls were begging to open one gift one midnight after midnight, so about seven p.m. I gave into the pleas. Brit opened a WII remote and Ilona opened a Coach ID holder. The next morning was filled with the other gifts including Brittany receiving her beloved hot pink Coach bag from her Daddy. He wanted to get her something from him but could not order and ship it in time so as I was shopping he called me and we picked it out together. She adores it. And I am certain every time she looks at it she thinks of the man in the far away land that she calls Dad.



We spent Christmas afternoon with the families of two of the girls from my book club here on post that myself and another girl started Fort Bragg Army Wives Book Club. We have over twenty members now and I am so excited for what 2011 will bring to us. I am hoping to start hosting give aways and such with these activities monthly. Two of my better friends here at Bragg, Lisa and Heidi are two of the other original members and I love them for sharing their Christmas with my family.

The other magical thing that happened this holiday season is that we had a White Christmas. It snowed Christmas evening and all night long to create a winter wonderland that we all went and played in the next day for a couple of hours. We had a lot of fun making different snowmen and playing. Some of us even had trouble walking in it :)

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree!!!

Tis the season to be jolly, but it's so hard since Mike is gone. Things here in North Carolina are not the same. Yes, I said North Carolina. We did not stay in Missouri through the holiday season. I have to say I am so glad for the mere fact that I feel so much more comfortable in my own bed. We did not have a Christmas tree up when we left but within an hour of being home we had one put up and decorated. Last year I traded in my nine foot beauty for this seven foot slim line because of space constrictions. Little did I know I would have twelve foot ceilings again so soon. I would say I regret it but with Mike being deployed this one was so simple to put up and it's very pretty. I usually do a color theme change every year but this year brought something to my mind that I have never felt before. Nostalgia. I have decided our main tree will be full of fun ornaments that we love and our special to us. Then I have my Disney tree in the Disney/Scrapbook room. It is time though to expand that tree to a small slimline as well. I have so many ornaments on there it looks silly since it's an Alpine tree that is five feet. It looks tired :) I will take pictures of the trees and post them here tomorrow.

Brittany and I have festive plans for Christmas Day. We will be spending it with some friends at their house and we will have the traditional Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. At first when my friend offered I felt like a protective hen and did not want to give up our normal dinner. But Nothing about this year is normal. We need to be with others and not waste an entire ham on just us. We would have tons of leftovers and to say that we would eat it all would be foolish. We are looking forward to Christmas Day with Heidi, her hubby and little boy, Lisa and Chris.

I have heard from Michael quite often. There have been a few weeks that went silent but he was on missions and could not communicate. He has been driving alot and was very tired on the last one. He drove sixty miles and it took them forty hours!!!! He was absolutely worn out to say the least. Please continue to pray for him and keep him in your thoughts.

Home for the Holidays....

Yes, we are going home for the holidays. Missouri is such a long ways from North Carolina but after talking it over with Michael we both decided that I would regret not going home for Thanksgiving and subsequently Christmas. Since our car is not in the bravest of shape, we are opting to have a family member come and pick us up and bring us home. Brittany and I are going to be home from mid November until after New Year's. My neice is get
ting married December 26th in Ochios Rios, Jamaica, and then coming back to Missouri to do a New Year's reception. We are very excited for this event and cannot wait to share in the joy of her marriage. Brent and Jessica have been dating since they were 14 and 15 years old so now that they are in their mid twenties and have their careers under their belt, they are ready for marriage.

I have been hearing from Mike regularly. Thank God. His unit finally got internet capability so that is a treat when I hear the phone ringing from the computer! Then it is even better when I see his bald noggin' shining up from out of the darkness. He usually sits outside the room in the dark of the night to talk to me so it is quiet. I don't care how, I just care that he can have that ability to reach out to us. We miss him so much everyday. This morning when the dogs heard his voice they did go CRAZY though, they were running back and forth to the door and could not figure out why he was not there if he was talking. They are so confused.

One of the challenges of being a deployed spouse has been learning how to cook for two people again. Brittany and I don't eat enough food to warrant a whole roast or a pot of chili but we are fixing things to make due. I thought I could skimp on the big meals and not decorating the house for Christmas but that didn't happen. I have an eighteen year old that was NOT happy with this turn of events. So, today, I am making a roast and I am making homemade mashed potatos and gravy and making Beef Manhattans. Last Friday, the decorations went up. It started with her just coming to my room with four prints that I usually put up in the living room. She begged and said just a few things. And then came the totes. So, I spent two days doing the house up the way she wanted. It is a lot of work and for someone that wanted it she sure did not help. But that is okay, it's all about her and what makes her feel good throughout this deployment. It is hard on all of us but seriously hard on a CHILD.

I can't exhale........

I am writing this negativity because really I have nowhere else to put it. All of the words are in my head and they have to come out somewhere so since this is my blog about this deployment I am placing them here. I feel like I am going to explode. The sadness surrounds me like the dew on a flower after a spring rain. I cannot stop weeping. The tears just come and come and never stop. Strong is not a word that I will admit to willingly right now because if I am busy and with people other than my daughter, I am fine. But if I am with her all I see is him. And for record, that girl is a grouch these days. I know it's the adjustment to him being gone and we are on each other's nerves greatly but dear Lord, my patience is tested by the minute for that red headed, green eyed beauty. I have never loved two people so much or thought that it be possible to do so. I feel bad for crying in front of her, I am sure it drives her nuts, but I can't hold it in. It seriously is like an involuntary movement such as breathing. Until you are in my position, don't judge. What people don't understand is this is my first deployment as a wife. I've been the soldier, he has been the sailor, but we have not been this military family for ten years. For ten years, I was selfish, he was all mine, I got to call him at any given time and dared anyone to get in my way of getting to him. He was and is my very best friend in the world and I tell everything and I mean EVERYTHING to him. Some of our friends asked me once a year or two ago "do you guys tell each other everything? Like everything?" Heck ya, I do. And I miss that. We talked to, for and about everything together. I never realized how much I depended on him until this time period. WTC was nothing. AIT was nothing. I saw him every weekend. I have NEVER been away from him for more than four weeks maximum and even then when he was at Ft. Wood he came home all of the time or I could go there and have dinner if I wanted to. It is being told or actually NOT being told that I can't talk to the man that is my world that hurts so much. I know it's his job. I am supportive of that because I know how strongly I felt and still feel for the country that we live in but gosh darn it, I did NOT expect this. When I've had the other two people in my life that I was close to and they were in Afghanistan, both of them, had internet access at ALL times. I talked to them both more while they were there than I ever did when they were home. It's a joke at Leatherneck, they have NO comforts of home. I know they are at war but because it's a Marine base I feel like our guys got it stuck to them. I should not feel that way, and I am sure that in a few days it will change again. This is the most terrifying emotional roller coaster I've ever been on but this war sucks. Period. End of Story.