Christmas Without Him...

It has been a few weeks again since I posted anything, and I swear I am going to get better at this during the coming year. I even have a "Blogging for Dummies" book next to me as I type this. I would blog more if I could manuever around my blog and make it prettier. It's a mess right now but I am going to improve.

Christmas this year was so uneventful for us because as you know, Mike is gone to Afghanistan. We did away with our 12 Days of Christmas tradition because Brit's best friend is living with us and frankly, I could not afford to do it for both of them. So, for this year it is on hiatus.

Christmas seemed to sneak up on me this year. I feel robbed of the season. We have so many traditions that we normally do that we did not get to partake in and I was distraught about the idea of not being with family. We left Missouri early because of a family situation and because of that it caused alot of hurt feelings and bad circumstances all around. I am praying that in this new year all can be forgiven.

Christmas morning itself the girls were begging to open one gift one midnight after midnight, so about seven p.m. I gave into the pleas. Brit opened a WII remote and Ilona opened a Coach ID holder. The next morning was filled with the other gifts including Brittany receiving her beloved hot pink Coach bag from her Daddy. He wanted to get her something from him but could not order and ship it in time so as I was shopping he called me and we picked it out together. She adores it. And I am certain every time she looks at it she thinks of the man in the far away land that she calls Dad.



We spent Christmas afternoon with the families of two of the girls from my book club here on post that myself and another girl started Fort Bragg Army Wives Book Club. We have over twenty members now and I am so excited for what 2011 will bring to us. I am hoping to start hosting give aways and such with these activities monthly. Two of my better friends here at Bragg, Lisa and Heidi are two of the other original members and I love them for sharing their Christmas with my family.

The other magical thing that happened this holiday season is that we had a White Christmas. It snowed Christmas evening and all night long to create a winter wonderland that we all went and played in the next day for a couple of hours. We had a lot of fun making different snowmen and playing. Some of us even had trouble walking in it :)

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree!!!

Tis the season to be jolly, but it's so hard since Mike is gone. Things here in North Carolina are not the same. Yes, I said North Carolina. We did not stay in Missouri through the holiday season. I have to say I am so glad for the mere fact that I feel so much more comfortable in my own bed. We did not have a Christmas tree up when we left but within an hour of being home we had one put up and decorated. Last year I traded in my nine foot beauty for this seven foot slim line because of space constrictions. Little did I know I would have twelve foot ceilings again so soon. I would say I regret it but with Mike being deployed this one was so simple to put up and it's very pretty. I usually do a color theme change every year but this year brought something to my mind that I have never felt before. Nostalgia. I have decided our main tree will be full of fun ornaments that we love and our special to us. Then I have my Disney tree in the Disney/Scrapbook room. It is time though to expand that tree to a small slimline as well. I have so many ornaments on there it looks silly since it's an Alpine tree that is five feet. It looks tired :) I will take pictures of the trees and post them here tomorrow.

Brittany and I have festive plans for Christmas Day. We will be spending it with some friends at their house and we will have the traditional Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. At first when my friend offered I felt like a protective hen and did not want to give up our normal dinner. But Nothing about this year is normal. We need to be with others and not waste an entire ham on just us. We would have tons of leftovers and to say that we would eat it all would be foolish. We are looking forward to Christmas Day with Heidi, her hubby and little boy, Lisa and Chris.

I have heard from Michael quite often. There have been a few weeks that went silent but he was on missions and could not communicate. He has been driving alot and was very tired on the last one. He drove sixty miles and it took them forty hours!!!! He was absolutely worn out to say the least. Please continue to pray for him and keep him in your thoughts.

Home for the Holidays....

Yes, we are going home for the holidays. Missouri is such a long ways from North Carolina but after talking it over with Michael we both decided that I would regret not going home for Thanksgiving and subsequently Christmas. Since our car is not in the bravest of shape, we are opting to have a family member come and pick us up and bring us home. Brittany and I are going to be home from mid November until after New Year's. My neice is get
ting married December 26th in Ochios Rios, Jamaica, and then coming back to Missouri to do a New Year's reception. We are very excited for this event and cannot wait to share in the joy of her marriage. Brent and Jessica have been dating since they were 14 and 15 years old so now that they are in their mid twenties and have their careers under their belt, they are ready for marriage.

I have been hearing from Mike regularly. Thank God. His unit finally got internet capability so that is a treat when I hear the phone ringing from the computer! Then it is even better when I see his bald noggin' shining up from out of the darkness. He usually sits outside the room in the dark of the night to talk to me so it is quiet. I don't care how, I just care that he can have that ability to reach out to us. We miss him so much everyday. This morning when the dogs heard his voice they did go CRAZY though, they were running back and forth to the door and could not figure out why he was not there if he was talking. They are so confused.

One of the challenges of being a deployed spouse has been learning how to cook for two people again. Brittany and I don't eat enough food to warrant a whole roast or a pot of chili but we are fixing things to make due. I thought I could skimp on the big meals and not decorating the house for Christmas but that didn't happen. I have an eighteen year old that was NOT happy with this turn of events. So, today, I am making a roast and I am making homemade mashed potatos and gravy and making Beef Manhattans. Last Friday, the decorations went up. It started with her just coming to my room with four prints that I usually put up in the living room. She begged and said just a few things. And then came the totes. So, I spent two days doing the house up the way she wanted. It is a lot of work and for someone that wanted it she sure did not help. But that is okay, it's all about her and what makes her feel good throughout this deployment. It is hard on all of us but seriously hard on a CHILD.

I can't exhale........

I am writing this negativity because really I have nowhere else to put it. All of the words are in my head and they have to come out somewhere so since this is my blog about this deployment I am placing them here. I feel like I am going to explode. The sadness surrounds me like the dew on a flower after a spring rain. I cannot stop weeping. The tears just come and come and never stop. Strong is not a word that I will admit to willingly right now because if I am busy and with people other than my daughter, I am fine. But if I am with her all I see is him. And for record, that girl is a grouch these days. I know it's the adjustment to him being gone and we are on each other's nerves greatly but dear Lord, my patience is tested by the minute for that red headed, green eyed beauty. I have never loved two people so much or thought that it be possible to do so. I feel bad for crying in front of her, I am sure it drives her nuts, but I can't hold it in. It seriously is like an involuntary movement such as breathing. Until you are in my position, don't judge. What people don't understand is this is my first deployment as a wife. I've been the soldier, he has been the sailor, but we have not been this military family for ten years. For ten years, I was selfish, he was all mine, I got to call him at any given time and dared anyone to get in my way of getting to him. He was and is my very best friend in the world and I tell everything and I mean EVERYTHING to him. Some of our friends asked me once a year or two ago "do you guys tell each other everything? Like everything?" Heck ya, I do. And I miss that. We talked to, for and about everything together. I never realized how much I depended on him until this time period. WTC was nothing. AIT was nothing. I saw him every weekend. I have NEVER been away from him for more than four weeks maximum and even then when he was at Ft. Wood he came home all of the time or I could go there and have dinner if I wanted to. It is being told or actually NOT being told that I can't talk to the man that is my world that hurts so much. I know it's his job. I am supportive of that because I know how strongly I felt and still feel for the country that we live in but gosh darn it, I did NOT expect this. When I've had the other two people in my life that I was close to and they were in Afghanistan, both of them, had internet access at ALL times. I talked to them both more while they were there than I ever did when they were home. It's a joke at Leatherneck, they have NO comforts of home. I know they are at war but because it's a Marine base I feel like our guys got it stuck to them. I should not feel that way, and I am sure that in a few days it will change again. This is the most terrifying emotional roller coaster I've ever been on but this war sucks. Period. End of Story.

A Year Without My Love.....Begins Now.

We are home from our journey in the Carribean Ocean and I came home to an empty house. Michael is gone now for a year to Afghanistan. It is so hard to believe he is actually gone and I won't see him again until his R and R. For now, we are going to keep this blog about Mike and his adventures in the sand box and then our life here at Bragg without our Daddy and husband. It is very important to us that Brittany is remembered too and her loss for her Dad right now being so far away is an important factor to keep in mind. Right now she is choosing to hang out in bed listening to music and watching t.v and for this week I am letting her do just that. Every time I see her I see that man in her face, she is her Dad's spitting image and acts just like him. I thank God for that every day.

As far as Michael goes, he is at his final destination I believe. I will have more cement information as he tells me but I have not heard from him in two days as they have been traveling. I will get an address up here as soon as I can. He had internet connection before with the laptop but as far as I know, he does not any longer, which just plainly STINKS. I am praying that changes.

Here on the homefront, we have had some excitment. Nothing huge just some trials are happening that are determined to bring us down, but I refuse to let that happen. Our hot water heater went out today so now showers. However, Picerne Military Housing got us a new one in just an hour or so and they are here now installing it. You can't ask for better service than that! It are times like these when I am SO greatful that we live on base and not off post.

I will post again as soon as I hear from Mike, I just wanted to do another blog to let everyone know Michael is safe at his destination and to ask for constant prayers for him. Thanks so much.

Our Weekend Excursion

Michael was off on Friday with the rest of his unit for "family day" which we loved. I went to lunch with an old friend from high school that I have become reaquainted with in the past two years. Angie and her family are from the Fayetteville area thank goodness so I am able to visit with her when she is here to see her parents. Her spouse and herself actually live in Charlotte however she is here a lot! Yay for old friends! Ang and I went to Red Robin where I successfully had my first car blunder in North Carolina. I high centered the car over a driveway divider. I have never in my life seen a yellow divider in the parking lot of a restaurant saying which way you can go. Well, my Grand Prix and I now have. Won't be making that same mistake again! Scared the bejeezus out of me.

On Saturday, Brit, Mike and I took our two babies to Bed and Biscuit Kennel in Stedman, not far at all from our hotel home. We then headed southeast toward Myrtle Beach. The traffic was dreadful but two hours later, we entered the surf. It was amazing to have my toes in the water again. I am a beach girl and plan to be near water for the rest of my life in some form. My worst nightmare could be getting stationed again at Fort Leonardwood because I cannot reach the beach in a day from there :( I would be devastated to be away from the East Coast.

Our family went to Dick's Last Resort for dinner and it was amazing! If you do not have thick skin or small children DO NOT GO THERE. PERIOD. The F bomb is dropped constantly as are the words "homo" and several other graphic words. They are all about being rude to you. For example, I asked for a salad and our server called me an "Effin pain the a**". It really was hilarious and he had our sense of humor and because Mike has told me for ten years about Dick's in San Diego, I KNEW what I was getting myself into. My daughter on the other hand, was pissed. When they realized she was quiet, she set off alarms to be picked on and he did a great job. He threw seven rolls of silverware at her. Brought all the coleslaw out and threw it at her at once for her to distribute to everyone "it's not in his effin job description to pass out the side orders" or so he said. It was hilarious really because after she warmed up to him it was a hoot. Then they make hats for everyone (picture KKK hats) out of paper. They are like two feet tall and really the only way to describe them is the previous parentheses. Everyone gets a saying written on them. For example, mine read "Gravity SUCKS" with two huge boobs drawn on them. Anyone that has seen me knows there is a reason for that, I wear a 42 DDD. Mike's was made extra big and it went over his head but was too huge to fit on it. And it read "This is how my condoms fit on me".....I told you graphic but funny.

We then decided to stay on the Coast and explore Wilmington on Sunday. We stayed at a Best Western about ten min out of Wilmington that was only a couple of months old. It was a grand hotel. Loved our stay and we will be back again to that same hotel, wonderful amenties. Today, we woke up and just began to explore Carolina Beach and we fell in love with the beach itself. So much more relaxing than Myrtle Beach even though Myrtle was a blast. Myrtle was more party place with a big group : for us, we will stick to Wilmington and Carolina. When I have friends or family in we will do the loop that we did this weekend, start in Myrtle and stay at Wilmington also. They are both awesome places. That is it for now. Mike should be on Permissive TDY Leave for the next ten days. We will keep you posted on any new developments in our life.

Ft. Bragg...we are here and settled...for now

During the past week, my life has been too hectic to even think of blogging. I was lucky to keep up with facebook much have a minute alone to put thoughts into paragraphs. Right now, Brit is in the shower and the dogs are at my feet, so now seems like a good time to blog.

Our adventures in North Carolina started off horrible,I will not lie. I won't post every graphic detail here because honestly I am trying to be as positive as I feel our life is becoming so it stresses me out to relive it. I will tell you the first few minutes of Landmark Inn stressed me out enough to kennel my dogs only to go pick them up three days later. I believe God gives you intuition for a reason and when I wake up at 4:00 in the morning in a panic knowing I have to go get my dogs, something is wrong. And wrong it was. When we got to the animal hospital the girl that was the "kennel girl" looked relieved that we were there but almost panicked. She told us to wait there for a few minutes then she came and got Mike and said "Your dogs don't like us". Mmmm, I thought, that's weird, Country Bed and Biscuit loved our dogs and Sidney went right to her and loved on her before he left there in May. Once our dogs warm up to you after a few cuddle minutes, they are fine usually. I knew then something was going on. When they came out, they were so excited that Sid hyperventilated. I was crying tears of joy to see them. I know to some that may seem silly, but my dogs are my other children. Mike and I have raised each of them since they were puppies and they are brothers (literally). We are very attached to our boys. When the boys came out, Rusty was a little wet but I didn't get it until he started giving me kisses. He was COVERED in urine and Sid had feces on his backside. I was livid to say the least. I knew at this point the dirtbags at the kennel had not taken my boys out once from that humane society looking steel cage. I went to the car and told Brit to get a blanket on her lap and that it was bad and to just feel sorry for them and not be mean because they smelled beyond dead. I was so freaking mad at this point it took an act of Congress to get me to not scream at someone. I just wanted them out of there. I did go back in because I am going to make a formal complaint with the USDA or whomever I need to that controls kennel cleanliness in North Carolina. Until then, I will tell everyone on Fort Bragg not to take their animals to NorthGate Animal Hospital. And to say that I will NEVER use a vet as a kennel again is an understatement. They need to be in a warm, friendly, environment with Healthy animals not sick ones.

Anyhow, after going to get our dogs, we were asked if we wanted to switch rooms for my space. Landmark Inn was more than gracious to us for letting us do this and we appreicated the offer more than I can ever tell them. We now have a family suite equipped with a small kitchenette, dining table, double bed, a set of bunk beds (in which the botoom is serving as Mike's Army depot of stuff) and a nice bathroom. This is making our four week stay here much more enjoyable.

Now that we have the dogs back, we cannot go anywhere during the day without them, however I do think they would be okay if we left them a couple of times. The first few hours of them being back, Rusty would burst into hound dog howling if I even shut the door to the bathroom. He was truly traumatized. We have been spoiling them every chance we get as well to make them more comfortable that we aren't leaving them. Even our trip to Washington, D.C. is being planned around them because we know we have to stay at a pet friendly hotel in order to do it. The kennel we will use after this is probably the Fayetteville Pet Resort, she helped me immensley with everything and I really liked her on the phone (even though she was full).

Now, current day, I am going to get my coupons out and start sorting my q's today as I have a huge pile of them to go through and since the commisary takes q's up to six months old, I am in the money. Between that and just relaxing today since Mike is going to his unit for the first time, our day should be uneventful.

Tomorrow however, I am going to a book signing for the actual author of the book that my new book club is reading now. I am totally excited for that and hopefully I will get to meet some new friends.

Ta ta for now. Until we meet again.

Tammy